- Saturday, March 08, 2003
- *wow. what a day, I should say*
Topic hari ini:
Telling the truth or not the truth
Have you ever been in a position where you want so bad to tell the truth, but you know somehow somewhat, your truth might hurt people even more.
I have. Or should I say, I have had.
Sometimes I could be very spontaneous and hyper :p (padahal melancholy lhoh....hihihi) dan parahnya, kalo lagi hyperactive, everything seems so black and white, ga ada yg gray2nya at all. Jadi kalo saat itu feeling gue 'white', I will go ahead, ga mikir2 lagi. Tapi ternyata weekend ini, moodswings gue dateng. TENG. (and no, it's not the 'monthly swings' hehehe). Bener2 bete berat dan rasanya tuch pengen ngomelin everybody around me. Keanehan sedikit aja bisa buat gue mikir,"Idih...rese bener tu orang?!" (wuih, sounds so galak yak....yah kira2 gitu d. i'm kinda exaggerating a bit to make a point =P )
And that moodswings led me to thinking,"Uh-oh,...what did I do? what have I done?? ... this can't be like this....." dan disaat itulah gue berubah pikiran. Literally, I changed my mind about that seeing 'white' into 'gray'. Trus gue mikir2 lagi, dan mikir2 lagi, dan akhirnya I was at a position where my heart practically shouted at me, "tell the truth! tell the truth!" Yeah, and I did. And of course, I know my actions did some pretty good 'damaged'. The person I told the truth about how I was feeling at that time, jadi got hurt badly, and guess what? guenya jadi semakin ancur, campur aduk rasanya. Bukannya tenang, malah gue semakin feeling so guilty. The other part of me saying,"uh-oh shen, what did you do? go ahead make it all better.... at least make it okay before this night ends."
Well, yeah I did try to make the situation more relax. Said sorry so many times sampe kayaknya gue speechless, ga tau mo ngomong apa lagi kecuali bilang 'sorry'.
Fortunately, I think we both sama2 bisa calm dan resolve this (nope, ga jadi musuan koq hehehe), and looking back, I think this is a challenging experience for me, because yeah I do need to tell the truth supaya gue bisa blajar honest to myself. Sometimes we just too busy covering ourselves up, or too busy pretending to be someone else because we thought that's what other people want us to be, kita lupa bahwa penting juga utk honest ke diri kita sendiri. The truth is always better than a lie. Always. no matter what our position is, or the effect on us if we do tell the truth.
It's kinda remind me of those martirs, para santo2 yg dibunuh, di persecute because they did tell the truth that they love and work for their only God, my God, Lord Jesus.
Yes, I was sad, hurt, mixed feeling antara feeling guilty, angry at myself and confused - hurt because I really felt I was deliberately hurting other people, BUT, when all that too shall pass, in the end, I could see how this is all a journey to shape me more and more sensitive about other people, about choosing my decision (not to be too spontaneous =P) before I actually decide , and to teach me to be bold in claiming the truth above all others.
sekedar renungan aja:
have you ever thought your actions, your decisions of telling the truth, nothing but the truth is very important to build good relationships with others?
God bless you all =)
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